thoughts in my head

Recently, I've been studying a lot. A lot more than I did in my first year at college. I'm starting to become like my old high school junior year self, where I didn't play around or did anything fun. All I would do is study, study, and study. I think this return to my old self stems from the thought of shaming my ancestors whenever I don't study. My ancestors worked really hard as farmers in China and then in Taiwan after Xinhai Revolution. The more recent ancestors of mine in Taiwan would study really hard just to scrape a living in Taiwan. I consider my sister and myself lucky to be in America. My dad and my mom both worked really hard in Taiwan. In elementary school, they would be sleeping at midnight everyday because of their massive amounts of schoolwork and getting up at around six o' clock to walk to school. My mom got into Tainan Nu Zhong, but she moved to Canada after junior high school so she didn't experience any more pain in school, but my dad at Kaohsiung First Senior High School worked like a mofo. I think he once told me that he slept at around 2 o' clock everyday, doing homework, studying for tests, and most importantly, preparing for the college entrance exams that are like 10x harder than the SAT I in America. And at Taipei Medical University, my dad would also study his ass off. Comparing that kind of work ethic to myself, I feel really embarassed for not studying that hard. In high school, I only went to sleep at around 11 o' clock, once past midnight cramming for my SAT IIs the following day. Furthermore, those high schools that my parents got into were like some of the top schools in Taiwan in their days. So yeah, in order to not shame my ancestors, I am now resolved to work harder and harder...up to my limits in my present and future classes.

random stuff no one's interested in

Yeah, so on Thursday, I'm going to my sister's graduation in Northwestern University. The more I think about it, the more I get pissed off. Like going to NU is like slapping myself in the face for being such a disgrace to the family for not getting into HPME when I was so close to getting in. This close . Basically, the only thing that stood in my way was the damn interview that I totally failed. So yeah, all of my high school efforts just went to waste when I came to UMKC med program as a failure to my family name. And I don't know what's wrong with her. She like keeps getting smarter every year. Like in high school, my sister was pretty pwnage at school (i.e. graduating second in the class, owning the SATs, and only one in Irvine district to get HPME in her year), but then she got...even better in college. And like, her undergraduate major is biology, but somehow she does better in her math/physics classes than in her bio/chem classes. I find that strange.

Cell biology. Well yeah, in this class, we learn about...cells. It's so damn boring. Like today in the library, I had to literally slap and pinch myself to keep myself awake and finish the two chapters that I was supposed to finish reading today. Wow, I better like, get an A in this class, or else that'll be really sad and pathetic.

Writing intensive. The latter word is not an overstatement for this course. The first day, our assignment was to write a freaking 5 page essay commenting on two different pieces of work. That was so freaking gay. I'm like shivering with fright on what we're going to do later in the semester.

Back to School

Fuck this. Seriously. I'm back at the shittiest school I've ever visited. The food here's gonna suck again. Sigh. I went down from eating intestine noodles and dan dan mian to eating pizza that sucks. Sigh again. Also, I have to actually study seriously now. Sign once again.

Raw fingers

So after probably like five months of no serious practice of my cello, I played a humble amount of 30 minutes today of my cello. Ouch. I never knew playing thirty minutes would make my fingers feel as though they have been playing for two hours straight. My left index finger feels as though the five layers of my epidermis will peel off any minute and my finger being slashed by a bunch of knives (which was kinda wat was happening there cuz I kept on sliding my left index finger up and down the damn steel strings). This is just sad. I remember the good old days when I can play for like one and a half hours straight without feeling any pain and when pain starts at two hours. Other than the negative factors mentioned above, playing my cello was actually pretty fun, as for the past five months, I haven't done anything except study, take tests, stare at my computer, and occasionally hang out with friends. It was a little bit of a divergence from my usual routine.*

*Note: The grammar may be a bit screwed up because I haven't cracked a grammar book since two years ago SAT I. Come to think about it, I actually see some mistakes, but w/e. I'm too lazy to fix the errors right now because I don't feel like it haha...